if you like me you must not know who I am
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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