I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
