You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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