I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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