you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
