I just saw a hot homeless man
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize