All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
