I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
