i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
