i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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