If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
