I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
