I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
