Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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