so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize