she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
