Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
