How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
