i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
