I want to stick my p in your. b.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
