Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
