I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
