he wants to bone in the snuggie
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
