Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
