one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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