found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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