once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
