Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
