Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
