I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
