Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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