just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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