Apparently you make a good broom.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
