thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
