Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
