Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
