Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
