I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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