hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize