So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
