dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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