If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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