I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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