so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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