chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
