A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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