I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
