i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
