Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So many bounce houses so little time
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
