i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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