Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Even my vagina gasped.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
