So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
