that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
