On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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