the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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