He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How naked do you want me to be?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
