I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
