and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
