i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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