Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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