Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
