I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
