Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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