Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
