Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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