Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
