Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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