What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
soo... how was my night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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