i need an iv and a liver transplant
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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