Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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