You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
