either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she smelled like a LAN party
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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