Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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