Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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