my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
